proof

the desire for proof, tangible, reliable proof that something that we believe is true is universal. its interesting that the two major religions that dominate our world are virtually without proof. i can't prove the resurrection. my proof for the resurrection is reliant on proof texts from the book that guides my faith. my proof for the truth of the good news relies on stories of faith experience and how it plays out in relationships. my proof for the existence of God relies on experience and existential arguments (such as: how could the human body work the way it does without a creative force that purposely made it that way?).

likewise, the proof that the prophet of islam spoke the words of God in order to form a new religion is based on the book that guides that religion. the proof that the prophet even lived is based on writings dated hundreds of years after his life. the proof that he said what he said is also based on late-dated writings based on word-of-mouth history throughout centuries. the proof that jesus didn't die but that a replacement or a figment died on the cross and jesus went to heaven un-dead and un-scathed is based on a religious book. this is the impass.

it all came down to a lack of real, tangible proof in history class. it all comes down to faith. my faith tells me one thing, and another person's faith tells them another. the only way to make our way over this mount everest of disagreement is through practice. does my faith guide my life? does yours? this is the only proof that i can offer to the validity and the worthiness of what i believe in faith. there is no difference between my faith and that of my neighbor, except in where it is placed. the strength of my faith is fully hinged upon how it affects my life daily, and how it affects others' lives daily as well. this is my daily challenge. and i fail, daily.

i yell. i get frustrated with stupid things. i don't know how to respond with love to my friends. i don't even know how to love my friends. jesus said that even sinners know how to do that, and i don't. i wonder what i am... lower than a sinner, to be most pitied i guess. but, i do know that the struggle to live out the good news and to live in the kingdom of heaven that is at hand is worth it. how do i know? faith.

There's a first time for everything...

Yes, it's me...Jessey! I just want to fill you in on the amazing things God is doing in my life. First of all if you don't know, I'm enrolled in Grand Canyon University's online Education program. I've never really liked attending school (except for the social aspect), but I am really enjoying it despite the fact that I don't have the social aspect this time! I am currently taking an education course and a government course. I'm pretty sure I have an A in government and I know I have a 100% in my Education class!!! WOO HOO!
Anyway, I was becoming overwhelmed with working full-time and doing school online full-time and I have no idea how my mom did it as a single parent with 2 kids! Go mom! God has worked this out for me though. At our workplace people typically don't ask for to much from the administration, and those that do, well they don't work there anymore. Even though the odds weren't in my favor, I decided I needed to turn in my resignation letter and look for some odd jobs (tutoring and subbing) to fill in the income.
So last Thursday I went to the Princess with my resignation letter and asked her to hear me out. She told me to tell her what was going on and I said that I was overwhelmed with everything. She started to say that it was okay that I was resigning and they would find someone to fill my place. I decided to put the ball in her court and said "Well, I could work part time here, if that's something you would want." She looked at me and said "Jessey. I really like you, and I would love for you to work until noon everyday." My mind blew. I think my jaw actually dropped.
Now I get to come home everyday at noon, work on my homework and then I actually get to spend time with Jeff in the evenings! Isn't that amazing?!?!?!?!?! I'm the only person at our school that actually works part time. God is great isn't He?

number 26

i was talking with my friend/roommate Christina about a job i had once, and she gave me the idea of sharing my job experiences with the world. i'm 27. keep that in mind:

1 - paperboy - age 8 - 14

2 - Junior Counselor at Camp of Champions USA - age 14

3 - dirt shoveler - age 15

4 - burr bench operator at Excel Foundry & Machine - age 16

5 - ministry intern FBC - age 17

6 - Pizza Hut waiter - age 17

7 - painter - age 17

8 - B. Dalton books cashier - age 17-18

9 - Farm & Fleet Automotive Dept. - age 18

10 - telephone survey guy - age 18-19

11 - warehouse/imported parts cleaner at Excel Foundry & Machine - age 19

12 - medical records filer - age 19-20

13 - telephone survey guy - age 20

14 - flower delivery guy - age 20

15 - PAC after school program - age 20-21

16 - office cleaner - age 21

17 - Youth Director @ Mosaic Bible Church - age 21-22

18 - Youth Pastor @ Faith Baptist Church - age 22

19 - SEARS warehouse - age 23

20 - salon receptionist - age 23

21 - YFC Campus Life Director - age 23-24

22 - CAT Mossville Assembly Line - age 24

23 - Domino's delivery guy - age 25

24 - Assistant Manager of the Cash Store - age 25

25 - MHP at the Children's Home - age 25 - 26

26 - teacher at The School of Life - Jordan - age 26 - present

my resume is amazing... with this many diverse experiences, i can do pretty much anything. and with 26 jobs in 27 years of life, it appears that i am going to stick around for the long haul as well. i'm so proud of myself.

rome and christianity

this is the title of the first chapter i will be teaching this week in 8th grade history.  i know.  in your head some little synapse just popped, causing your mind to slightly blow.  sorry about that.   

i just finished preparing for the lesson on "christianity" in the textbook.  i'm sure at this point you understand where i live if you're reading this blog, so you certainly understand the fine line this chapter represents when it comes to my job.  but, a cool thing happened over the last month for me.  i'm holding my job with an open hand.  if it is gone, its gone.  if it stays, it stays.

with that in mind, i'm super pumped about this required chapter.  its the first time i've been excited about anything in a long time, and definitely the first time i've been absolutely sure i know what i'm talking about.  the main characters in the lesson on christianity are jesus of nazareth, the apostles, paul of tarsus, and constantine (although i could do without constantine, he was, in fact, a part of history and a key player in roman/christian relations).  vocabulary includes crucifixion, the resurrection, and messiah.  i can't make this up.  its like i've found myself sucked into a bizarro world where i'm being asked to teach about something that could get me kicked out of some countries, including the one i'm in.

this is an opportunity that you can be sure i will not squander.  not to shove religion or faith down anyone's throats.  not even to try to convince anyone that it is right.  but the opportunity to share my point of view in the classroom from an historical perspective that will drop a little truth into the minds of my students.  and the cool thing is, its happening in the first week of school.  this means, barring an unfortunate decision by the administration, i will definitely get the chance to speak openly and for that to be the foundation for the entire school year.  for the first time, i'm hoping that i can stick this thing out.  but even if this job is ripped away from me, the opportunity can't be.  for that i am grateful.

so, if you're thinking about it anytime between sunday and thursday, give me and my class (of 7 girls) a little shout out.

i quit... almost

on august 16th, we signed new contracts at our school for this school year. we had to fight for these jobs on june 30th, the day before we returned to the states. and upon returning to jordan, things just got more and more stressful. the school doesn't have a good philosophy of education. it doesn't support the teacher as an educator. and we continually are given shoulder shrugs from the principal when questioning things that don't make sense, letting us know that it doesn't matter what we think. in all honesty, every teacher is at the end of their rope right now.

yesterday, i threw in the towel. we both did. the feelings that things will never get better left us feeling hopeless. i knew i could do better. i'm qualified for many jobs that i would thrive in and in some ways enjoy much more than this stressful environment. i decided that quitting was the best option.

i've been in this spot before. when i was in california at my first job, things at the church were beyond hope. the senior pastor was un-supportive. i didn't have control over my ministry. despite my love for the students, the leaders, and the church, i couldn't see past the difficult working relationship with my "boss". so i quit, and ran away.

i've said many times over the last 5 years that if i was in this situation again, i would make a better choice. i would stick it out. i would work to make things get better. i would fulfill my commitment and be an adult. but here i was, again, facing the same issues and making the same choices. my head was clouded by difficulties.

today i sat at work and wrote a resignation letter. my plan was to give it to the principal on sunday. i wasn't sure what i was going to do next, but i knew i didn't want to deal with this crap anymore. but as i sat there, contemplating my future, i realized that i hadn't changed. i was the same person i was 5 years ago, ready to throw my reputation and my work away because it was hard.

i decided i owed it to the church in california to stick this one out. like i'm redeeming my past failures. i love the students and my co-workers. i love my friends and the community group on friday nights. i know my work here isn't done. i am anxious for the school year to start and to get back into the swing of things. i don't know what next year will bring, but i know that for now my place is at the school, teaching math, history, geography, and p.e.

please pray that this year can be more fruitful than the last, and that i can learn from my mistakes and trust in jesus more.

ramadan kareem

today is the fourth day of ramadan, a holy month of fasting observed by about 90% of the population of jordan (that's a non-scientific statistic by the way, i just made it up based upon 97% of the population being muslim and about 7% of those being liberal or non-observant muslims, in my experience). jessey, christina (our roommate) and i are fasting for the first time together during ramadan, and it is probably our 17th tuesday of fasting this year.

i was thinking today on our balcony (which is surprisingly cool compared to the rest of the apartment) about fasting and why people do it. in the tradition of ramadan, people fast in solidarity with the poor and out of responsibility to God. throughout jordan, and most of the middle east, people are all on a level playing field of food for a month. no one eats, drinks, smokes, or has sex during daylight hours. then, at the iftar (which is a call to prayer at sunset), people gather together to break their fast and read from the qu'ran.

i've noticed already, and we're only 4 days in, that people get very irritable when they aren't eating or drinking or, in our case especially, smoking all day. its understandable. you're denying your body of what it needs (or wants), and this denial distracts the mind. normally people are very polite and easy going, but when this fasting hits, they treat you as if they couldn't care less about you. often times, people are just biding time until the iftar, or worse (in my opinion) sleeping all day and eating all night, thus avoiding the point of fasting altogether. it becomes a religious duty, not a spiritual necessity. this is not the case for all who are fasting. the goal for many is to gain control over the body in order to become a better person.

i can't say i completely understand fasting. for most of my childhood, fasting was either frowned upon or limited to a certain activity that we would be challenged to fast from in order to get closer to God (i.e. television, video games, etc.). this motivation for fasting comes out of guilt that our priorities are out of whack and we need to get them refocused... and in my experience it never worked. in fact, most of the time i would find myself thinking more about watching television while i was fasting from it. it never drove me to get closer to God.

i know very few people who fast anymore. and even fewer who know why they should be fasting. i remember my pastor fasting for a month and only drinking juice, but i don't remember why he was fasting. i think he was fasting for clear direction from God. i hope he got it. i was always told that when a person fasts, he should pray whenever he feels a desire for food. i felt like this was a secret formula for getting rid of cravings, but that also never worked for me whenever i tried fasting from food.

but i can't deny the importance of fasting as a spiritual discipline. from moses to the early church fathers, fasting was an understood part of the spiritual life. i think people do it for many reasons, either for answer to prayer, deliverance from sin/oppression, spiritual weight loss, or closeness to God.

i think of fasting in this way: whenever i deny myself food for a day, my body gets very angry with me. this is because my body is a sucker for food... in fact my body needs food to give me energy and to grow and be healthy (although growing isn't what i want to be doing these days). when i notice my physical need for food, i remember my spiritual need for God. i remember my inability to survive without him, and my priorities get straightened out again... and perhaps i even submit myself more to God each time. but i do know that this weekly reminder that i am nothing if not for God is a healthy thing.

so tonight, after the sun sets, jessey, christina, and i will begin eating a meal together, praying for God's peace and direction... along with millions of others who will be breaking fast at the same time. hopefully our fast is not in vain. i don't think it is.

what is community?

when we arrived back in amman, we had 2 roommates. this was planned, of course, but still marked something new in our 6 years of marriage. our roommates are also friends of ours, emily and christina, who both live and work here in amman. we're entering into this thing called "living in community" and we don't even know what its supposed to look like.

for instance: how do we clean the apartment effectively without slacking in doing our own part? how do we pay the bills/rent? should we split the rent and bills 4 ways and share the rest of our money in common? what do we do when someone doesn't pull their weight? being friends, what happens when we end up hating each other? do we keep our arrangement, or do we salvage our friendship? what does community living look like? are there rules? should we look at ourselves as individuals who live together or as a body of christ trying to do life together?

we shall see. tonight is our first house (family) meeting. it should help us sort out some of these details. community living won't be easy, but it could be good for all of us to grow up a bit... like we need to.