overwhelmed

the feeling of being overwhelmed is difficult to explain. i've been feeling this way many times recently, and for the most part, i am grateful for the feeling. i've been overwhelmed negatively in these 2 situations in the last 2 weeks:

1) when jessey lost her job, and i lost my summer pay and my guarantee of a job upon our return to jordan on the day before we were to leave for our summer break. this created an understandably overwhelming sense of inadequacy and stress on both of our lives. over the course of the next 7 hours, we brainstormed what actions we could take, as our first legitimate life-plans had just fallen completely apart. then we got a call from the school, and after a brief meeting, jessey had her job back and we both got our summer pay. this overwhelming feeling didn't leave until 10pm that night.

2) when, on the same day, i picked up gifts from our friend to deliver to his wife and 2-year-old daughter, who is fighting brain cancer and is getting free treatment in the states. the mother and daughter are stateside, while the father and 2 sons are stuck in jordan, desperately trying to get visas just to visit their mom/wife and sister/daughter. i cried leaving my friend as i saw the look of pain on his face that he might not get to send his peace to his wife. i hated that.

these are the situations that i've felt overwhelmed in a positive way, with true and deep-felt emotion that i haven't been connected to in a long time:

1) when the right students were selected as "model students" and recognized in front of the whole school on the last day. i held back the tears, thanking God for these two amazing kids.

2) when the 3 Qu'ran teachers stood up for jessey and went to the palace to fight for her job while we were overwhelmed with stress at home. i was absolutely blown away by their generosity and again i cried while leaving the school, thanking God for these 3 amazing women.

3) when we got to play our music with some amazing bands, who were comprised of real down-to-earth humans who were without pretense and full of grace. i was humbled to be sharing the stage with them, and in awe of the ability of music to bring people from so many different places together, to celebrate and to sing.

i guess the best way i can describe this feeling is a weight in the chest that won't go away. when its negative, it can lead to doubt. when it is positive, it strengthens our faith and our ability to live the next day. i am thankful that i have been priveleged with this feeling and look forward to more feelings of "overwhelmingness", or whatever it would be.