rome and christianity

this is the title of the first chapter i will be teaching this week in 8th grade history.  i know.  in your head some little synapse just popped, causing your mind to slightly blow.  sorry about that.   

i just finished preparing for the lesson on "christianity" in the textbook.  i'm sure at this point you understand where i live if you're reading this blog, so you certainly understand the fine line this chapter represents when it comes to my job.  but, a cool thing happened over the last month for me.  i'm holding my job with an open hand.  if it is gone, its gone.  if it stays, it stays.

with that in mind, i'm super pumped about this required chapter.  its the first time i've been excited about anything in a long time, and definitely the first time i've been absolutely sure i know what i'm talking about.  the main characters in the lesson on christianity are jesus of nazareth, the apostles, paul of tarsus, and constantine (although i could do without constantine, he was, in fact, a part of history and a key player in roman/christian relations).  vocabulary includes crucifixion, the resurrection, and messiah.  i can't make this up.  its like i've found myself sucked into a bizarro world where i'm being asked to teach about something that could get me kicked out of some countries, including the one i'm in.

this is an opportunity that you can be sure i will not squander.  not to shove religion or faith down anyone's throats.  not even to try to convince anyone that it is right.  but the opportunity to share my point of view in the classroom from an historical perspective that will drop a little truth into the minds of my students.  and the cool thing is, its happening in the first week of school.  this means, barring an unfortunate decision by the administration, i will definitely get the chance to speak openly and for that to be the foundation for the entire school year.  for the first time, i'm hoping that i can stick this thing out.  but even if this job is ripped away from me, the opportunity can't be.  for that i am grateful.

so, if you're thinking about it anytime between sunday and thursday, give me and my class (of 7 girls) a little shout out.

i quit... almost

on august 16th, we signed new contracts at our school for this school year. we had to fight for these jobs on june 30th, the day before we returned to the states. and upon returning to jordan, things just got more and more stressful. the school doesn't have a good philosophy of education. it doesn't support the teacher as an educator. and we continually are given shoulder shrugs from the principal when questioning things that don't make sense, letting us know that it doesn't matter what we think. in all honesty, every teacher is at the end of their rope right now.

yesterday, i threw in the towel. we both did. the feelings that things will never get better left us feeling hopeless. i knew i could do better. i'm qualified for many jobs that i would thrive in and in some ways enjoy much more than this stressful environment. i decided that quitting was the best option.

i've been in this spot before. when i was in california at my first job, things at the church were beyond hope. the senior pastor was un-supportive. i didn't have control over my ministry. despite my love for the students, the leaders, and the church, i couldn't see past the difficult working relationship with my "boss". so i quit, and ran away.

i've said many times over the last 5 years that if i was in this situation again, i would make a better choice. i would stick it out. i would work to make things get better. i would fulfill my commitment and be an adult. but here i was, again, facing the same issues and making the same choices. my head was clouded by difficulties.

today i sat at work and wrote a resignation letter. my plan was to give it to the principal on sunday. i wasn't sure what i was going to do next, but i knew i didn't want to deal with this crap anymore. but as i sat there, contemplating my future, i realized that i hadn't changed. i was the same person i was 5 years ago, ready to throw my reputation and my work away because it was hard.

i decided i owed it to the church in california to stick this one out. like i'm redeeming my past failures. i love the students and my co-workers. i love my friends and the community group on friday nights. i know my work here isn't done. i am anxious for the school year to start and to get back into the swing of things. i don't know what next year will bring, but i know that for now my place is at the school, teaching math, history, geography, and p.e.

please pray that this year can be more fruitful than the last, and that i can learn from my mistakes and trust in jesus more.