empty lots for grazing goats at the base of shopping malls

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

an eye for an eyelash

i'm reading "the lion of jordan", a biography about king hussein bin talal bin abdullah, the late king of jordan. the author used this phrase, "an eye for an eyelash" as a description of israel's foreign policy. i promptly wrote it on my hand and considered the implications of such a statement. i wrote a blog about this before, during a more close-to-home conflict between israel and palestine. but i didn't have the words for it.
an eye for an eyelash. over-reaction. i live in a world that espouses this philosophy. my school takes an eye for an eyelash every time they fire somebody. i take an eye for an eyelash every time i lose my temper towards someone because they don't act in a way that i understand. my country takes an eye for an eyelash whenever someone doesn't play by their "rules".
i don't want to take an eye for an eyelash. i don't want to take an eye for an eye. i don't want to respond with violence to violence towards me. i don't want to sarcastically respond to sarcasm. but i do. i do it all the time. the only way for another world to emerge is for us to love those who hate us; to learn the way of forgiveness.
at this point, it seems appropriate for me to quote one of my biggest heroes, dr. martin luther king, jr. :

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that. Hate multiplies hate, violence multiplies violence, and toughness multiplies toughness in a descending spiral of destruction....The chain reaction of evil--hate begetting hate, wars producing more wars--must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation."

may we break the eye for an eye, and especially the eye for an eyelash, philosophies that are prevalent in our world and replace them with the light that drives out the darkness, if for any reason to avoid our own annihilation.

Monday, November 9, 2009

new life

when i came back to illinois in july, i found myself marveling every time i turned a corner in the car at how green everything was. living in a desert, where it gets green for about 2 weeks in the spring, the sight of green grass and green leafy trees was literally delightful to my eyes.
it rained here for 3 straight days, and for 24 hours straight at one point last week. as grateful as we were for the rain, we feared that we had skipped straight from summer into winter and lost out on the fall (which is usually only about 4 weeks long, but its a very pleasant 4 weeks). we started sleeping in sweatshirts and seeing our breath in our apartment, way too soon. on the one hand, we got 20% of the annual rainfall in 3 days, and on the other hand we were miserable.
but...
it warmed up. now, our confused earth is responding to the change in weather like it were spring. this is exciting. i saw green grass everywhere today (and by everywhere, i mean here and there in patches in vacant lots of dirt). the mountain across from our school, which is usually the color of a nice pair of dockers, was green. my eyes rejoiced. i sang about the green grass in an operatic voice all the way home from school (and i am not ashamed).
this green grass in emblematic of another change that has happened in our lives. jessey quit her job at the school. normally, you would think that the rain metaphor would fit in this situation. but in reality, the rain was a metaphor for her life while working and doing school full-time. she was suffering, dying really, on the inside. when she was asked to quit (a story that is better told in person), the grass began to grow again in her life. she's happy again, much like the desert ground after a good rain.
so now, surrounded by green grass outside and at home, we are looking ahead to the winter and wondering about what changes it will bring to us.

Monday, October 19, 2009

proof

the desire for proof, tangible, reliable proof that something that we believe is true is universal. its interesting that the two major religions that dominate our world are virtually without proof. i can't prove the resurrection. my proof for the resurrection is reliant on proof texts from the book that guides my faith. my proof for the truth of the good news relies on stories of faith experience and how it plays out in relationships. my proof for the existence of God relies on experience and existential arguments (such as: how could the human body work the way it does without a creative force that purposely made it that way?).

likewise, the proof that the prophet of islam spoke the words of God in order to form a new religion is based on the book that guides that religion. the proof that the prophet even lived is based on writings dated hundreds of years after his life. the proof that he said what he said is also based on late-dated writings based on word-of-mouth history throughout centuries. the proof that jesus didn't die but that a replacement or a figment died on the cross and jesus went to heaven un-dead and un-scathed is based on a religious book. this is the impass.

it all came down to a lack of real, tangible proof in history class. it all comes down to faith. my faith tells me one thing, and another person's faith tells them another. the only way to make our way over this mount everest of disagreement is through practice. does my faith guide my life? does yours? this is the only proof that i can offer to the validity and the worthiness of what i believe in faith. there is no difference between my faith and that of my neighbor, except in where it is placed. the strength of my faith is fully hinged upon how it affects my life daily, and how it affects others' lives daily as well. this is my daily challenge. and i fail, daily.

i yell. i get frustrated with stupid things. i don't know how to respond with love to my friends. i don't even know how to love my friends. jesus said that even sinners know how to do that, and i don't. i wonder what i am... lower than a sinner, to be most pitied i guess. but, i do know that the struggle to live out the good news and to live in the kingdom of heaven that is at hand is worth it. how do i know? faith.

Monday, October 5, 2009

There's a first time for everything...

Yes, it's me...Jessey! I just want to fill you in on the amazing things God is doing in my life. First of all if you don't know, I'm enrolled in Grand Canyon University's online Education program. I've never really liked attending school (except for the social aspect), but I am really enjoying it despite the fact that I don't have the social aspect this time! I am currently taking an education course and a government course. I'm pretty sure I have an A in government and I know I have a 100% in my Education class!!! WOO HOO!
Anyway, I was becoming overwhelmed with working full-time and doing school online full-time and I have no idea how my mom did it as a single parent with 2 kids! Go mom! God has worked this out for me though. At our workplace people typically don't ask for to much from the administration, and those that do, well they don't work there anymore. Even though the odds weren't in my favor, I decided I needed to turn in my resignation letter and look for some odd jobs (tutoring and subbing) to fill in the income.
So last Thursday I went to the Princess with my resignation letter and asked her to hear me out. She told me to tell her what was going on and I said that I was overwhelmed with everything. She started to say that it was okay that I was resigning and they would find someone to fill my place. I decided to put the ball in her court and said "Well, I could work part time here, if that's something you would want." She looked at me and said "Jessey. I really like you, and I would love for you to work until noon everyday." My mind blew. I think my jaw actually dropped.
Now I get to come home everyday at noon, work on my homework and then I actually get to spend time with Jeff in the evenings! Isn't that amazing?!?!?!?!?! I'm the only person at our school that actually works part time. God is great isn't He?

Saturday, October 3, 2009

number 26

i was talking with my friend/roommate Christina about a job i had once, and she gave me the idea of sharing my job experiences with the world. i'm 27. keep that in mind:

1 - paperboy - age 8 - 14
2 - Junior Counselor at Camp of Champions USA - age 14
3 - dirt shoveler - age 15
4 - burr bench operator at Excel Foundry & Machine - age 16
5 - ministry intern FBC - age 17
6 - Pizza Hut waiter - age 17
7 - painter - age 17
8 - B. Dalton books cashier - age 17-18
9 - Farm & Fleet Automotive Dept. - age 18
10 - telephone survey guy - age 18-19
11 - warehouse/imported parts cleaner at Excel Foundry & Machine - age 19
12 - medical records filer - age 19-20
13 - telephone survey guy - age 20
14 - flower delivery guy - age 20
15 - PAC after school program - age 20-21
16 - office cleaner - age 21
17 - Youth Director @ Mosaic Bible Church - age 21-22
18 - Youth Pastor @ Faith Baptist Church - age 22
19 - SEARS warehouse - age 23
20 - salon receptionist - age 23
21 - YFC Campus Life Director - age 23-24
22 - CAT Mossville Assembly Line - age 24
23 - Domino's delivery guy - age 25
24 - Assistant Manager of the Cash Store - age 25
25 - MHP at the Children's Home - age 25 - 26
26 - teacher at The School of Life - Jordan - age 26 - present

my resume is amazing... with this many diverse experiences, i can do pretty much anything. and with 26 jobs in 27 years of life, it appears that i am going to stick around for the long haul as well. i'm so proud of myself.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

rome and christianity

this is the title of the first chapter i will be teaching this week in 8th grade history.  i know.  in your head some little synapse just popped, causing your mind to slightly blow.  sorry about that.   

i just finished preparing for the lesson on "christianity" in the textbook.  i'm sure at this point you understand where i live if you're reading this blog, so you certainly understand the fine line this chapter represents when it comes to my job.  but, a cool thing happened over the last month for me.  i'm holding my job with an open hand.  if it is gone, its gone.  if it stays, it stays.

with that in mind, i'm super pumped about this required chapter.  its the first time i've been excited about anything in a long time, and definitely the first time i've been absolutely sure i know what i'm talking about.  the main characters in the lesson on christianity are jesus of nazareth, the apostles, paul of tarsus, and constantine (although i could do without constantine, he was, in fact, a part of history and a key player in roman/christian relations).  vocabulary includes crucifixion, the resurrection, and messiah.  i can't make this up.  its like i've found myself sucked into a bizarro world where i'm being asked to teach about something that could get me kicked out of some countries, including the one i'm in.

this is an opportunity that you can be sure i will not squander.  not to shove religion or faith down anyone's throats.  not even to try to convince anyone that it is right.  but the opportunity to share my point of view in the classroom from an historical perspective that will drop a little truth into the minds of my students.  and the cool thing is, its happening in the first week of school.  this means, barring an unfortunate decision by the administration, i will definitely get the chance to speak openly and for that to be the foundation for the entire school year.  for the first time, i'm hoping that i can stick this thing out.  but even if this job is ripped away from me, the opportunity can't be.  for that i am grateful.

so, if you're thinking about it anytime between sunday and thursday, give me and my class (of 7 girls) a little shout out.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

i quit... almost

on august 16th, we signed new contracts at our school for this school year. we had to fight for these jobs on june 30th, the day before we returned to the states. and upon returning to jordan, things just got more and more stressful. the school doesn't have a good philosophy of education. it doesn't support the teacher as an educator. and we continually are given shoulder shrugs from the principal when questioning things that don't make sense, letting us know that it doesn't matter what we think. in all honesty, every teacher is at the end of their rope right now.

yesterday, i threw in the towel. we both did. the feelings that things will never get better left us feeling hopeless. i knew i could do better. i'm qualified for many jobs that i would thrive in and in some ways enjoy much more than this stressful environment. i decided that quitting was the best option.

i've been in this spot before. when i was in california at my first job, things at the church were beyond hope. the senior pastor was un-supportive. i didn't have control over my ministry. despite my love for the students, the leaders, and the church, i couldn't see past the difficult working relationship with my "boss". so i quit, and ran away.

i've said many times over the last 5 years that if i was in this situation again, i would make a better choice. i would stick it out. i would work to make things get better. i would fulfill my commitment and be an adult. but here i was, again, facing the same issues and making the same choices. my head was clouded by difficulties.

today i sat at work and wrote a resignation letter. my plan was to give it to the principal on sunday. i wasn't sure what i was going to do next, but i knew i didn't want to deal with this crap anymore. but as i sat there, contemplating my future, i realized that i hadn't changed. i was the same person i was 5 years ago, ready to throw my reputation and my work away because it was hard.

i decided i owed it to the church in california to stick this one out. like i'm redeeming my past failures. i love the students and my co-workers. i love my friends and the community group on friday nights. i know my work here isn't done. i am anxious for the school year to start and to get back into the swing of things. i don't know what next year will bring, but i know that for now my place is at the school, teaching math, history, geography, and p.e.

please pray that this year can be more fruitful than the last, and that i can learn from my mistakes and trust in jesus more.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

ramadan kareem

today is the fourth day of ramadan, a holy month of fasting observed by about 90% of the population of jordan (that's a non-scientific statistic by the way, i just made it up based upon 97% of the population being muslim and about 7% of those being liberal or non-observant muslims, in my experience). jessey, christina (our roommate) and i are fasting for the first time together during ramadan, and it is probably our 17th tuesday of fasting this year.
i was thinking today on our balcony (which is surprisingly cool compared to the rest of the apartment) about fasting and why people do it. in the tradition of ramadan, people fast in solidarity with the poor and out of responsibility to God. throughout jordan, and most of the middle east, people are all on a level playing field of food for a month. no one eats, drinks, smokes, or has sex during daylight hours. then, at the iftar (which is a call to prayer at sunset), people gather together to break their fast and read from the qu'ran.
i've noticed already, and we're only 4 days in, that people get very irritable when they aren't eating or drinking or, in our case especially, smoking all day. its understandable. you're denying your body of what it needs (or wants), and this denial distracts the mind. normally people are very polite and easy going, but when this fasting hits, they treat you as if they couldn't care less about you. often times, people are just biding time until the iftar, or worse (in my opinion) sleeping all day and eating all night, thus avoiding the point of fasting altogether. it becomes a religious duty, not a spiritual necessity. this is not the case for all who are fasting. the goal for many is to gain control over the body in order to become a better person.
i can't say i completely understand fasting. for most of my childhood, fasting was either frowned upon or limited to a certain activity that we would be challenged to fast from in order to get closer to God (i.e. television, video games, etc.). this motivation for fasting comes out of guilt that our priorities are out of whack and we need to get them refocused... and in my experience it never worked. in fact, most of the time i would find myself thinking more about watching television while i was fasting from it. it never drove me to get closer to God.
i know very few people who fast anymore. and even fewer who know why they should be fasting. i remember my pastor fasting for a month and only drinking juice, but i don't remember why he was fasting. i think he was fasting for clear direction from God. i hope he got it. i was always told that when a person fasts, he should pray whenever he feels a desire for food. i felt like this was a secret formula for getting rid of cravings, but that also never worked for me whenever i tried fasting from food.
but i can't deny the importance of fasting as a spiritual discipline. from moses to the early church fathers, fasting was an understood part of the spiritual life. i think people do it for many reasons, either for answer to prayer, deliverance from sin/oppression, spiritual weight loss, or closeness to God.
i think of fasting in this way: whenever i deny myself food for a day, my body gets very angry with me. this is because my body is a sucker for food... in fact my body needs food to give me energy and to grow and be healthy (although growing isn't what i want to be doing these days). when i notice my physical need for food, i remember my spiritual need for God. i remember my inability to survive without him, and my priorities get straightened out again... and perhaps i even submit myself more to God each time. but i do know that this weekly reminder that i am nothing if not for God is a healthy thing.
so tonight, after the sun sets, jessey, christina, and i will begin eating a meal together, praying for God's peace and direction... along with millions of others who will be breaking fast at the same time. hopefully our fast is not in vain. i don't think it is.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

what is community?

when we arrived back in amman, we had 2 roommates. this was planned, of course, but still marked something new in our 6 years of marriage. our roommates are also friends of ours, emily and christina, who both live and work here in amman. we're entering into this thing called "living in community" and we don't even know what its supposed to look like.

for instance: how do we clean the apartment effectively without slacking in doing our own part? how do we pay the bills/rent? should we split the rent and bills 4 ways and share the rest of our money in common? what do we do when someone doesn't pull their weight? being friends, what happens when we end up hating each other? do we keep our arrangement, or do we salvage our friendship? what does community living look like? are there rules? should we look at ourselves as individuals who live together or as a body of christ trying to do life together?

we shall see. tonight is our first house (family) meeting. it should help us sort out some of these details. community living won't be easy, but it could be good for all of us to grow up a bit... like we need to.

Monday, July 6, 2009

overwhelmed

the feeling of being overwhelmed is difficult to explain. i've been feeling this way many times recently, and for the most part, i am grateful for the feeling. i've been overwhelmed negatively in these 2 situations in the last 2 weeks:

1) when jessey lost her job, and i lost my summer pay and my guarantee of a job upon our return to jordan on the day before we were to leave for our summer break. this created an understandably overwhelming sense of inadequacy and stress on both of our lives. over the course of the next 7 hours, we brainstormed what actions we could take, as our first legitimate life-plans had just fallen completely apart. then we got a call from the school, and after a brief meeting, jessey had her job back and we both got our summer pay. this overwhelming feeling didn't leave until 10pm that night.

2) when, on the same day, i picked up gifts from our friend to deliver to his wife and 2-year-old daughter, who is fighting brain cancer and is getting free treatment in the states. the mother and daughter are stateside, while the father and 2 sons are stuck in jordan, desperately trying to get visas just to visit their mom/wife and sister/daughter. i cried leaving my friend as i saw the look of pain on his face that he might not get to send his peace to his wife. i hated that.

these are the situations that i've felt overwhelmed in a positive way, with true and deep-felt emotion that i haven't been connected to in a long time:

1) when the right students were selected as "model students" and recognized in front of the whole school on the last day. i held back the tears, thanking God for these two amazing kids.

2) when the 3 Qu'ran teachers stood up for jessey and went to the palace to fight for her job while we were overwhelmed with stress at home. i was absolutely blown away by their generosity and again i cried while leaving the school, thanking God for these 3 amazing women.

3) when we got to play our music with some amazing bands, who were comprised of real down-to-earth humans who were without pretense and full of grace. i was humbled to be sharing the stage with them, and in awe of the ability of music to bring people from so many different places together, to celebrate and to sing.

i guess the best way i can describe this feeling is a weight in the chest that won't go away. when its negative, it can lead to doubt. when it is positive, it strengthens our faith and our ability to live the next day. i am thankful that i have been priveleged with this feeling and look forward to more feelings of "overwhelmingness", or whatever it would be.

Friday, June 19, 2009

ya haram... news from the jordan times

what's the point of this?

WADI AL MALEH, West Bank - Exercising its authority as an occupying power, the Israeli army has begun breaking up bedouin camps in the West Bank where the nomadic herders have grazed their livestock for years.

Two dozen families have been displaced so far in eviction operations this month against low, black tents dotting the parched hillsides of the northern Jordan Valley.

Palestinian officials say some 200 families are threatened.

Israeli authorities, enforcing what the Human Rights Watch group calls a "heartless policy", say the bedouin are being moved for their own protection from areas in military fire zones.

Their dwellings may only be tents, but to bedouin living by a spring they call "sweet water" they were home, until they were scooped up and dumped in a broken heap by the shovel of an army mechanical digger.

Animal pens were flattened and scant bits of bedding and ramshackle furniture were piled in the open.

"We have been living on this land for seven years," said Mohammad Kaabneh, a 38-year-old father of nine. "The soldiers told us to move because this is a military zone. But we've nowhere else to go. And then they came back this morning."

The eviction is a strange exercise: There are no houses for the army to demolish as it would in other cases deemed illegal construction, so the herders can just re-pitch their tents.

A spokesman for Israel's military-run civil administration in the West Bank said it has been trying for some time to persuade the bedouin to move to safer locations.

"When this failed, we warned them that they were endangering their lives by setting up tents in the middle of a military zone and that they faced evacuation," the spokesman said.

Danger

Last month, the army erected signs on bedouin dirt roads here with the warning: "Danger. Firing Area. Entrance Forbidden."

Eviction notices were issued, with no right of appeal, and families were told to move within 24 hours. Three weeks later soldiers arrived without further warning and broke up the camps.

Some of the herders say they have lived on the land since the 1950s, and are so far refusing to quit the area.

The dangers are real. "I lost my son," said Qadri Daraghmeh.

The 19-year-old was killed by a blast in January 2008, he said, and army investigators said it was a mine left behind after an exercise. "But there is nowhere else to go," the farmer said.

A few hours after the soldiers left, Kaabneh's family had moved just a couple of hundred metres away, rigging up an open-walled tent for shade against the hammering heat. Their goats took shelter under a big palm, using every inch of shadow.

"We'll just rebuild, like our neighbours over there did immediately," he said, pointing to a family tent he said had also been uprooted just a few hours earlier.

Palestinian Prime Minister Salam Fayyad, who visited the area recently, said the Israeli military might demolish the camps, but "we build, because this is the only way for our people to stay on their land".

"We are determined about this and you will see," he said.

Human Rights Watch noted that under an Israeli army order of 1970, people living in a military zone can be evicted without a court order except for those designated "permanent residents".

Palestinian officials say two army-training areas take up about 150 sq.km of land in the area. Since it was declared a military zone "years ago", Human Rights Watch said, evictions could have been ordered any time. There was no explanation why they were being carried out only now.

Daraghmeh said many families do have documented title to the grazing, including his own "from my grandfather". But the Israeli High Court has ruled that since the bedouin are "pastoralists", they cannot be considered permanent residents.

Bedouin locals said the Israeli army and officials have told them they will all be moved out of the zone in due course, meaning perhaps 2,000 people in hillside camps scattered on either side of a winding road for some 20 kilometres.

Camps, settlements

There are six Israeli army camps in the area, said local Palestinian official Aaref Daraghmeh. There are also several Israeli settlements including Rotem, Maskiyyot and Mehola, which the World Court has ruled are illegally built on occupied land.

Almost every big splash of green on fertile land among the hills off the main highway through the Jordan Valley is Israeli-made. This is agribusiness, not kibbutz homesteading.

The date-palm plantations, vineyards, cattle feedlots and turkey farms operate on a highly commercial scale.

The bedouin farms, by contrast, are not much more than subsistence operations.

"We have been here for 15 years," said Amal Qasem, who lives in a couple of big tents with her barefoot children, with a dozen calves avoiding the noon sun in a small, shaded corral.

"We take water from the spring there. But now settlers come to use it like a pool and tell us to go away," she said. "I'm afraid the army will soon come and kick us out."


19 June 2009

Friday, June 12, 2009

few and far between

my blogging has been tired lately, as i have been.  my apologies.  instead of trying to formulate a coherent thought-provoking blog, i will just give you the highlights from our last month of life:

1.  exhaustion from school.  2 weeks and 2 days of classes left, and we are ready to be done.  things couldn't get any crazier than they are right now at school.

2.  moved into a new apartment.  we now can walk to school and don't have to take care of a cat.  its also very nice.  we're happy with it.

3.  we shared good news in strange ways at school this past week.  ask about that when we get home.

4.  i wrote a song about prime numbers.  also booked a show for July 31st in east peoria.  you can hear the new song at www.myspace.com/bobandmarie

5.  i finished reading god & empire by john dominic crossan and began reading the formation of hell.  i also am close to finishing a little book called becoming the answer to our prayers by shane claiborne and jonathan wilson-hartgrove.  take these as suggestions or books to avoid.

6.  starting a new family... in a few months.  2 daughters on the way!
(daughters means 2 of our friends pictures above are moving in... sorry moms!)


7.  wadi mujib.  perhaps the coolest thing we've done yet in jordan.  basically its hiking through a canyon in a river and up waterfalls without any equipment or guide.  injury-prone people should avoid this at all costs.

8.  umpired a few baseball games.  not too rewarding, but it was nice to be around the game again.
9.  started playing chicken foot dominoes and can't stop.

10. appeared via video at chris and lauren mackey's wedding... i hope that was fun.

we'll be home in a few short weeks, and we can't wait to relax, ride bikes, and hang out with everyone.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

a whole new world...view

i (jeff) was eating lunch outside the other day with some of my fifth graders. the smartest girl in the class asked me, "what did you want to be when you were a kid?" i responded that if professional baseball and basketball fell through, i wanted to be a marine biologist. she pondered. then she told me she wanted to be a doctor for a long time, but now she wants to join the army so she can kill the israeli settlers in palestine.
me (to self): what!? are you serious!? you would rather kill people than heal people?
i asked her how this vocation would make the world a better place. she said something about how if there were no settlers then the world would be a better place. i agreed. sort of. i reminded her of our conversation in health science class about how violence just breeds more violence and that her violent solution would really be creating more of a problem. i informed her that she wouldn't be able to change the world for the better by creating more violence. i hope she heard me.
yesterday, jessey was in her 2nd grade class when a student saw her ticket for seeing the pope (who we pontificated with on sunday). he seemed to get excited about the ticket, until he exclaimed, "i hate all non-muslims!" jessey, being the quick-witted person that she is, responded, "really. so you hate me then?" he was stunned. his theological framework had been broken, but it could quickly be repaired. he said, "i don't hate the one's i know. i hate all the non-muslims i don't know who want to trick me!" later in class, this student drew a picture and showed it to jessey. he said it was the pope and the scribbles were him killing the pope. shocked, jessey said his drawing was like her making a drawing of her killing the prophet. again he moped.
our task is daily, and it is difficult. but it is worth it. little drops of truth are the only way we can help to put out these fires, but the light will eventually overcome the darkness. first application.
second application: how are we/you guilty of making the same types of outrageous statements about a group of people we/you know little to nothing about? these kids are not coming up with these ideas because they are evil or violent, but because their parents and their spirtual leaders are giving them these ideas. how do we do the same to our children? when a black president is elected? when a muslim woman is appointed to a staff position in the white house? do we say something about the end of the world, or about how these are lesser people? we need to be careful that our speech is always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that we can be found blameless. something to think about.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

eastern orthodox easter

easter is tomorrow, for those of us who live in eastern orthodox land. i call it eastern easter and western easter now. so, that makes today "holy saturday", and our friends are all going with us to umm qais to celebrate together while fasting. umm qais is where jesus drove the legions of demons into the pigs and they jumped off a cliff into the lake of gardarenes, or the sea of galilee. it feels appropriate to go to a place where jesus walked on the one day he wasn't doing any walking (according to tradition).

last night we had a good friday service at our friends' apartment. we read john 18-19 and some things struck me as interesting and i put them into a drawing which now i will put into a blog.

the first thing that john does is he reports that when jesus says the words "i am" the soldiers that are arresting jesus fall to the ground. these are the same words that allah said to moses when moses asked who he should tell the people he had been talking to. allah responds "tell the people i am". these are powerful words, seen in the physical force that these spoken words had on roman guards and sanhedrin officials. this doesn't happen when i say "i am". that is because i am not god. this is the first (and most?) significant thing to me about the story from john 18-19.

the last two things go together. john reports that one of the officials is related to caiaphas, who is the one who told the people that it would be good for one man to die for the people. hmm... on the surface, that just looks like caiaphas is in cahoots with allah, just a part of the plan of redemption by giving bad advice that fits in with allah's plan. but look at this more closely. what caiaphas says essentially is, "this man will cause an uprising, a rebellion against the empire that is taking good care of us. it would be better if we just kill this man, instead of all of the jews being killed because of him." this is a statement of collaboration, or settling, or of satisfaction with the way things are. after all, the roman government still recognized the jewish leaders' authority on small matters of law. why would they want to lose all of that for this "kingdom of heaven" stuff that undermines their authority on earth. (what does it profit a man if he gains the whole world yet loses his soul?)

later, when jesus is being tried for execution, john reports that pilate presented jesus to the people one last time. the people responded, "take him away, take him away! crucify him!" he said, "shall i crucify your king?". they responded, "we have no king but caesar!". wow. pilate surely didn't recognize the full weight of the situation that he was being forced to mediate, but on some level he knew that jesus was significant and not one deserving to be killed. the people signed their own death certificate with a terrifying and startling statement: we have no king but caesar. caesar? not allah? caesar? jesus came into the world at a critical point in history, especially jewish history. they had completely lost hope and faith in allah's faithfulness to them. they had replaced allah with rome. this is terrible.

if we take a look at history, 40 years later, the very roman empire that the people put their trust in destroyed jerusalem and demolished the temple. instead of heeding jesus' warnings and following him into the way of the kingdom, they chose the occupier, and the occupier destroyed them.
may we avoid the same mistakes in our empires in our history.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

dave and pegasus in jordan

my mom and dad came to visit for 10 days, ending this past sunday.  it was great to have them here and give them a taste of what life is like in our world...including maqlubeh (made correctly), muttabel, hummus, falafel, manaqueesh jebneh and zaatar, shwerma, fatoosh, and fattah.  here are some pictures from wadi rum, mount nebo, the jordan river, and the dead sea...enjoy, and come visit us.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

my friends call me herpes and rash

immediately, i apologize for the title, but, it is a direct quote from me to this guy named andy that i met this week during one of my 2 sick days.  see, i (jeff) have herpes simplex, meaning specifically that i get a single cold sore on the middle of my bottom lip sometimes when i get stressed.  not to be confused with the other herpes, which is an STD of epic proportions, is a viral infection that i will never get rid of nonetheless.  i say this because i had a rash this week.

i realized on monday morning, at school, that i had a rash spreading on the palms of my hands.  i was rightfully concerned, since a girl at our school had just been in the hospital for what they thought was the german measles.  so, i left school, with jessey (who conveniently had a small rash on her arm (unrelated, and not worth leaving sick for)), and went to the arab medical center.  the neurologist who looked at my rash (that's not a punchline) said it was nothing to worry about and told me to get an antihistamine because it was probably an allergy.  i wasn't too sure that he had a clue what he was talking about, since he's generally more concerned with my synapses than my skin.  

wednesday morning, the rash (which was now more like blisters on my hands) was spreading, so i decided it would behoove me to go to a dermatologist to get it looked at, which is what i did.  the dermatologist told me i was having a reaction to the herpes simplex and prescribed me some ointment to put on it.  the problem was, i couldn't find a pharmacy that had the ingredients to make the concoction of healing balm.  i felt better about my hands, yet thought it was ironic that i was basically allergic to the virus in my body.  can that happen?

today, the princess called me into her office (yes, this is normal) to ask me how i was feeling, having been out sick twice this week.  i told her i wasn't any better, and i wasn't really too sure that i had a clue what was wrong with me still.  she, being a true product of monarchy, didn't think that was okay, so she basically forced me to go to the "specialist hospital" to have a dermatologist she knew look at my hands.  she had her "people" set up an appointment for me after school.  my third appointment this week.

when we arrived to the hospital, i told a guy at the reception that i worked for the princess and that she had set up an appointment for me.  never before have i felt so special (and so out of place), especially when they offered to let us sit in a more comfortable room to wait (disgusting).  we refused the offer.  then a coalition of people came to greet me and then we were escorted by a nurse to a different building to see a dermatologist.  

here's the funny thing...the first dermatologist told me exactly the same thing that the second one did.  i'm having a reaction to my virus.  ridiculous.

we didn't have to pay for the consultation (this is called wasta in arabic, meaning knowing the right people), and then we were escorted into this private office in the hospital while the nurse went to retrieve my prescriptions.  also free, thanks to knowing the right people.

i'm looking forward to the rash going away and laughing to myself that i didn't need this second visit to the dermatologist.  but, after receiving the "royal treatment" today, i wondered about how ludicrous it is that i moved to a poor country from america and received free health care because i knew the right people.  i am grateful, yet slightly appalled by the disparity between the royal and the ragged.  someday, in the kingdom of heaven, there will be no gap, and the least will be the greatest.  i look forward to that day, and i thank allah that i (one of the least) was able to experience that kingdom in a small way today.

Friday, March 13, 2009

taxi

last saturday, jessey and i were en route to our weekly arabic lesson with our tutor. we got into a taxi, driven by a man with a foot-long beard and a dishdash on. we're both usually excited when we get near a beard of such magnitude, so we were happy to have stumbled upon this particular taxi. he immediately noticed one of my tattoos and asked me what it was (keep in mind, this conversation took place entirely in arabic). i told him it was a tattoo, from a needle. he shook his head in disappointment and then asked me if it would wash off. i said no. then he asked jessey if she had any. when she said yes, he was even more disappointed. but, this man chose not to shut us out. he continued the converstation despite our tattoos.

he asked if we were married, if we had children, where we were from, what we do for work, etc. then i asked him about his family. he gladly told me he had 3 children, and then, while driving over a bridge, showed both of us pictures of his children on his phone. he said his family was made up of 9 boys and 7 girls growing up. we were amazed. there was a picture of a clean cut arab man hanging in the window, a driver identification card, featured in all taxis. i asked him if he was the one pictured. he laughed and said yes, and that he'd been driving this taxi for 10 years. 10 years. just to provide for a family, he drives 16 hours a day and probably makes about 800 JD a month. phew. when he dropped us off, he told me not to pay. it was a beautiful gesture. i insisted on paying, and he didn't resist a second time, which in arab culture means he was being nice the first time, like a friend, but not necessarily meaning that he didn't want me to pay. we got out of the taxi in wonder about how cool God is to give us good conversations with strangers, in a language we barely know.

fast forward 5 days. again, jessey, me, and our friend bethany get into a taxi on our way to a cafe. the driver starts talking to me (again in arabic) and tells me my arabic is good, to which i responded that arabic is difficult. he proceeds to try and tell me that he has a book that is not difficult to read that he wants to give me. i didn't understand. he tried two more times. still nothing. as we continued on our way, he just made jokes and we laughed. he was a good and pleasant person. when we got to our destination, he said, this time in english, that he wanted to give me a book about islam. i said sure, since i wanted the book, and i didn't expect him to actually give one to me. he grabbed two little books out of his car door and asked me to pick...i was being "intentionally pursued" (if you catch my drift) by this taxi driver. i took a religious book about the prophet mohammad, allah, and jesus, and went inside.

i marveled at this young man's intentionality, his passion, his desire to tell me about his beliefs. i was again reminded of what i've been placed on this earth for, and i am grateful.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

progress towards justice

however unrelated this blog is to where we are and what we are doing, this is something we care deeply about and wanted to inform you of the latest steps towards international justice (hopefully) in the tragedies that have taken place in darfur, sudan. this is taken from AP:

THE HAGUE, Netherlands – The International Criminal Court issued an arrest warrant Wednesday for Sudanese President Omar al-Bashir on charges of war crimes and crimes against humanity in Darfur. He is the first sitting head of state the court has ordered arrested.

The three-judge panel said there was insufficient evidence to support charges of genocide in a war in which up to 300,000 people have died and 2.7 million have fled their homes.

"He is suspected of being criminally responsible ... for intentionally directing attacks against an important part of the civilian population of Darfur, Sudan, murdering, exterminating, raping, torturing and forcibly transferring large numbers of civilians, and pillaging their property," court spokeswoman Laurence Blairon said.

Hundreds of Sudanese waving pictures of the president and denouncing the court quickly turned out in a rally at the Cabinet building in Khartoum. Security was increased around many embassies, and some diplomats and aid workers stayed home amid fears of retaliation against Westerners.

Al-Bashir's foreign affairs adviser suggested the court's decision was linked to an effort to destabilize Sudan. But Blairon said the decision was made purely on legal grounds and was not political.

Al-Bashir denies the war crimes accusations and refuses to deal with the court, and there is currently no international mechanism to arrest him. The main tool the court has is diplomatic pressure for countries to hand over suspects.

Sudan does not recognize its jurisdiction and refuses to arrest suspects. U.N. peacekeepers and other international agencies operating in Sudan have no mandate to implement the warrant, and Sudanese officials have warned them not to go outside their mandates.

If al-Bashir is brought to trial and prosecuted, he faces a maximum sentence of life imprisonment.

Sudanese TV did not carry the Hague news conference, but at one point broke in to programming with a brief news report that the warrant had been issued. The broadcaster on state radio announced the decision, and added, "a new chapter now begins" but did not elaborate.

Asked why judges, in a 2-1 split decision, did not issue the warrant for genocide, Blairon explained that genocide requires a clear intent to destroy in part or as a whole a specific group.

"In this particular case, the pretrial chamber has not been able to find there were reasonable grounds to establish a genocidal intent," she said.

She said prosecutors could ask again for genocide charges to be added to the warrant if they can produce new evidence. Prosecutor Luis Moreno Ocampo said he would study the ruling before deciding whether to keep pursuing genocide charges.

The war in Sudan's western Darfur region began in 2003, when rebel ethnic African groups, complaining of discrimination and neglect, took up arms against the Arab-dominated government in Khartoum. In 2005, the U.N. Security Council asked Moreno Ocampo to investigate crimes in Darfur.

Sudan said it had expected the warrant.

"This decision was not a surprise to us, but all the mechanism of the state will react. We in the Cabinet will meet tomorrow to see what steps are to be taken," al-Bashir's foreign affairs adviser Mustafa Osman Ismail told state TV.

The ruling party leadership will meet later Wednesday to decide its course of action, he said.

"This decision comes within the context of the foreign powers that seek to undermine the stability of Sudan, it is one of the tools of the new colonization," Ismail said.

Blairon said judges did not take into account possible repercussions when they made their decision.

"The findings of the judges are made on purely legal criteria," she said. "This is really important — the court is not a political institution. It speaks the language of the law."

Analysts fear the warrant could undermine international efforts to broker peace in Darfur and could spark a violence reaction. Some African nations reportedly threatened to pull out of the court in retaliation for a warrant. Thirty African countries are among the court's 108 member states.

Rights groups welcomed the decision.

"With this arrest warrant, the International Criminal Court has made Omar al-Bashir a wanted man," said Richard Dicker, director of the International Justice Program at Human Rights Watch. "Not even presidents are guaranteed a free pass for horrific crimes. By ruling there is a case for President al-Bashir to answer for the horrors of Darfur, the warrant breaks through Khartoum's repeated denials of his responsibility."

Sudan's ruling party announced that it plans a "million man march" in Khartoum on Thursday to protest any warrant.


be informed, and pray for justice.

Sunday, March 1, 2009

snow day (otherwise known as inclement weather day)

we went through our regular (although slightly off) routine this morning of waking at 5:20 to turn on the water heater, going back to sleep for another 23 minutes, jessey getting an idea of what breakfast will be (which today was nothing), jessey getting in the shower, jeff stalling getting out of bed, getting dressed, etc. it has been raining the last three days now, and the land has needed it. we live in a desert, and this rain will provide the sustenance the land needs in order to produce its vegetation this year. the rain is also good for flooding low-lying areas or flat roof tops due to a lack of proper drainage, which is due to the fact again that we live in a desert, so why plan for rain?
our roof
i mentioned that we had nothing to eat this morning, so i set out ahead of jessey to get some 25 cent falafel sandwiches, clad in my shirt and tie, khakis rolled up, and flip-flops (i learned yesterday that my galoshes are very uncomfortable, so i went for the traditional summer rain in illinois option despite the fact that it was barely 40 degrees outside). upon procuring the sandwiches, i met jessey, who wanted to stop into the bakery to get some bread, which cost us another 50 cents for a fresh baked loaf (a real bank-breaker).

we hailed a taxi and began a slow and unsteady drive to khelda, the neighborhood we work in. on the way, the taxi driver deduced that we were headed to a school, and informed me that the radio just said there was no school today because of the weather. i looked around and thought this had to be a joke, seeing as it was simply raining. however, when we got to khelda, literally the moment we got there, it began snowing.

it BEGAN snowing at 7:30am, but the kingdom had already cancelled classes due to the weather. the snow was heavy-ish, but not sticking. i still couldn't believe it, being from illinois, that school was cancelled, so we continued on to our school like good teachers should. the driver was insistent about there being no school, so i asked him to wait while we found out.

sure enough, no school. i took this picture when we got home of the "inclement weather" that cancelled school today. i still have no idea why, but i do know that i am thankful for one extra day of weekend.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

providence, rhode island

it's been a long time since we left jordan (17 days to be exact) and we are ready to return, outside of the whole packing and flying 12 hours thing. it has been great to see old friends, talk, eat vegetarian food, and play the wii fit. we are super pumped specifically for matt and ali who are officially engaged and getting married this summer. YEAH!

one very cool thing has happened in the last two days. we have a car here that we still have tons of money left to pay on. we've been hoping, praying, and trying to sell this car for the last 3-4 months with no potential buyers. yesterday, a family called and wanted to look at the car for their daughter. after driving the car, she wanted to buy it. the dad was hesitant about the process as we don't have the title since we still owe money on it, but he slept on it and gave us a call this morning confirming the sale. we are dropping it off to them tomorrow, along with paying it off and getting rid of our last significant piece of debt. the praise be to God.

as we see it, the same God who delivered his people from slavery, parted the Red Sea and the Jordan River, has placed us where he wants us in Jordan, confirming it through relationships and jobs, and now with this final seal of approval by selling our car during an economic downswing, just 4 days before we return to Jordan. wow.

how's that for providence, Rhode Island?

Sunday, January 18, 2009

god save the queen (or at least give us a king)

i was thinking/talking the other day with a friend about all of the problems in the world...he said he couldn't really feel too much for either side of this conflict in palestine because if it weren't for conflicts of the same nature, america wouldn't exist. he said that what is going on is exactly the same as the settlers killing off the natives in the americas way back when...pushing out the weak in order to establish a new kingdom/country/government/etc. the difference, he said, is that we get to see this unfold so we think poorly of it.

i began to see his point (however classically conservative it was).

but then, i remembered that this world is not as God intended it to be. i remembered that empire/kingdom/government/president/czar/dictator/terrorist was not how things were meant to be. i remembered how the original israel once followed God as King. he was their lawmaker, their champion, their hope. he delivered them from slavery and extinction in egypt, and even while they didn't trust in his deliverance, he stayed with them in the form of a pillar of clouds and of fire. he had the "promised land" in his hands, willing to let his people take seizure of it, and they were too afraid. they didn't trust in his provision. so he let that generation die in their lack of faith in their King.

he gave them men of faith and wisdom to judge between them, to interpret his law, and to be his voice to his people. he knew that israel's faith was not strong enough to simply trust his goodness, but he was still the King. he was still the governor. he was still the sustainer, provider.

i remembered samuel, the last judge of original israel, who was a lover and firm believer in the goodness of God as King. i remembered how the people asked him for a king of their own, to be like everyone else. i remembered how he took this petition to God himself, not out of desire for it, but out of a fear that his people were going astray. and God said, "Give the people their king." no amount of exhortation from samuel could steer the people away from their desire for a king (not the slavery factor, not the tax factor, not the war factor)

this was the end of israel's subservience to God. they came under the headship of a fallible human, many fallible humans. they put their trust in man's system more than they had in God's plan. they loved themselves more than they loved God.

we still do. we love our presidents, our dictators, our kings, and our leaders. we believe that God has put them in their positions and that they will carry out God's desires for the world, even when they have different views and go to war with each other. if this weren't the case, if God (through Jesus) was still our King, and we still served him and honored him and trusted him in his goodness, we wouldn't see the genocide and war that is the direct by-product of mankind's system of empire.

this is why i hate what has happened and is still happening in gaza. i hate that we (humans) have played God in our world and messed it up so badly. and i hate that we have made God the culprit by smearing his name with our stupid empirical decisions, both personal, national, and global.

Monday, January 12, 2009

unintentional tears: part two

about one hour into our time at the protest, the prayer call went off at the mosque on the corner. those truly devoted to their religion stopped, in the midst of the protest, and prayed. they went through their prayer motions, various people taking on leadership roles to lead the prayers. a peace fell over the protest. i thought to myself, "maybe this will help calm this angry protest". i hoped.
not ten or fifteen minutes after the prayer, things became ignited again. the young man whose role was to continue to burn flags (or so it seemed) climbed to a new height above the street to re-ignite the protest, along with another flag. the crowd surged. the riot police pushed back. and another surge. at this, the police began the process of clearing out the protesters. this meant pushing, chasing, and some beating with billy clubs. we quickly moved to the corner, as young men began hurling rocks and pieces of broken cinder blocks at the police. emily was still taking pictures, and we didn't want to separate, along with the fact that we really did want to see what would transpire.

as the scene became more violent, we saw a smoking something fly through the sky. more and more smoke filled the neighborhood. people were running away with their faces covered by their scarves. we were clueless, until a painful stinging sensation surged through our tear ducts and our nasal cavities. tear gas.we started running with the crowds, and we inhaled way too much tear gas. barely able to breathe, we continued moving...i should say i continued moving. jessey was leaning on the hood of a car, trying to catch her breath. an angel, in the form of a palestinian protester, grabbed her, shoved onions up her nose, and helped her continue moving until she caught up with me. we had to go at least six blocks in order to get out of the tear gas infested area.

this impacted us in ways beyond words. we understood what it was like, on a small scale, to be "attacked" as innocent bystanders. we felt a deep sense of solidarity with the people of gaza, because just like them, we were forced to flee in the face of impending danger, having done nothing wrong. those who had incited the violence may have been deserving of some sort of forced submission, but most of us were not guilty of violence. we were guilty only of being present. as the death toll rises, we pray that a peaceable solution can be found soon so the violence will stop.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

like a sore thumb (is how we stuck out) part one

our friend emily is a photographer. she is also insane. that's why we like her. she lost her memory card for her camera and asked if we had one she could borrow in order to go photograph a protest at the israeli embassy here in amman. we had one, and we were bored, so we decided to go be a part of what we hoped would be a peaceful protest of the horrors of this current conflict in gaza.

the scene was straight off the evening news...hundreds of palestinians and jordanians shouting in protest of the killing of their brothers, sisters, mothers, fathers, and cousins in gaza. the riot police were in control of the crowd with their sheilds and billy clubs. on the side of the road were hundreds of styrofoam graves, a memorial to those innocent victims that have died in gaza. it was truly surreal. we stood, together, in silent protest, while flags were burning and people were suffering from group-think (the same kind that has caused many other groups of people throughout history to make stupid/irrational decisions).

to my left, an elderly woman shouted at the top of her lungs. everyone around us repeated what she said. she prayed from the q'uran. they responded amen. about 50 women across the street were singing songs of protest. a young man sat on the shoulders of a friend and led a chant. another kept burning flags atop various buildings, encouraging the crowd to shout in exclamation about the wrongs their people were experiencing just 90 miles away.
as i stood there, i wondered what people thought of us. if they were angry with us. if they were glad we were standing beside them. we represent america, and our country is in their minds a huge part of the problem. i wasn't worried. but i wondered what all of this shouting was accomplishing for anyone. regardless, it was clear how deep the hurt and the hatred is.
i wondered how will peace ever come to this region. i wondered what would happen next.